If you are the primary support person for someone who is suffering from a phobia, it is easy to become overwhelmed. The amount of support required depends on the nature and severity of the phobia, the sufferer’s personal resources and the frequency with which the phobic situation is encountered. In severe cases, caring for someone with a phobia can become a full-time job.
Battling a phobia can be extremely exhausting for the sufferer. If the feared situation is one that is frequently encountered, just getting through a normal day can be difficult. He or she may begin to cling to anything that seems to reduce anxiety, including you.
As a supportive friend or relative, it is natural to want to be there for the phobia sufferer. However, it is important for both of you that you set personal boundaries in the relationship. Otherwise, you will become exhausted, burned out and even resentful of your loved one.
Setting boundaries with someone that you know is suffering can be painful and confusing. Here are a few tips to make it a bit easier.
- Know Your Limits: Everyone is different. Each person has a unique schedule, different outside responsibilities and a personal level of privacy needs. Before confronting your loved one, take the time to examine your own needs and desire.
- Discuss the Situation: When your loved one is relaxed and not actively confronting the phobia, sit down and have a chat. Remain calm and supportive. Do not yell or blame, but present your concerns rationally. Ask for suggestions.
- Learn to Say No: Despite his or her best intentions, your loved one will sometimes ask you for things with which you are not comfortable. Unless it is a true emergency, it is acceptable to say no. You are not obligated to cross your boundaries or give more than you feel comfortable giving.
- Learn to Recognize Emergencies: To someone who is going through feelings of terror and depression, even the smallest situation can feel like a crisis. Therefore, it will be up to you as the support person to determine actual emergencies. If the situation is not an emergency, gently but firmly remind the sufferer of your boundary agreement.
- Give Concrete Suggestions: If you are unable to provide support in a given situation, make concrete, easy to follow suggestions as to where the sufferer might find help. Suggestions may range from a crisis hotline to an online support group to a friend or relative. Also let him or her known when you will be available to talk.
- Ask for Help: A key to creating and maintaining boundaries is the knowledge that your loved one has alternatives other than you. Work with his or her friends, family, therapist and other support people to create a network of support. It is easier to say no when you know that the person has somewhere else to turn.
Source:Childers, Linda. “Yes, You Can Say No: Knowing where a caregiver should draw the line”. Caring Today. March 12, 2008. http://www.caringtoday.com/caregiver-support/yes-you-can-say-no
