Dating can be a major challenge for anyone, but certain phobias can make it feel nearly impossible. Social phobia is likely the one phobia that can most directly impact your dating life. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to minimize your discomfort and learn to successfully date despite your phobia.
Social phobia is a general condition that encompasses many different specific fears. How to handle your social phobia in regards to dating depends on exactly what you are most afraid of.
Glossophobia: Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking, can be an especially difficult challenge for dating. Some people are afraid only of speaking in front of a crowd, while others are terrified of one-on-one conversation.
If you are afraid of speaking privately with your date, focus on getting to know him or her in advance. E-mail and text messaging provide wonderful opportunities to develop a relationship without fear of conversation. As you grow more comfortable with the person, you can move on to speaking by phone. Do not let anyone push you to meet in person before you are ready.
When the big day finally comes, plan a date that will provide conversational fodder, such as a movie followed by coffee. Alternately, plan to engage in an activity that will take the direct focus off of you, such as hiking or miniature golf.
Stage Fright: Stage fright is the fear of performing. Although this often refers to stage or film performing, it can also include any situation that makes you feel like you need to behave in a certain way, from eating to playing sports. In order to cope with this phobia during dates, you will need to determine exactly what triggers your anxiety. Work to avoid confronting those situations. For example, if you become nervous at formal dinners, suggest a casual family-style restaurant. If you feel uncoordinated, avoid sport-focused dates. Choose activities that make you feel confident and capable.
Generalized Social Phobia: If your social phobia is more generalized, you may be fearful of meeting the other person altogether. This type of social phobia can be extremely difficult to manage on your own, so it may be best to work through scenarios with your therapist. In general, however, try to set up dates that do not put you in the spotlight. Active dates may not be the best option, as they may make you feel pressure to perform. Instead, consider group dates with people that you know and trust. Casual socialization can take the focus off of you and let others take the lead.
Although social phobia can present a unique challenge to your dating life, it can be successfully managed. Taking the time to get to know your date in advance can dramatically lessen your fear by turning the other person into an ally instead of an unknown. Focusing on the activities that make you feel confident while taking the focus off of you can also help you manage your fears. Finally, working through possible scenarios and practicing your skills with your therapist in advance can help you know what to expect. With a bit of planning and practice, there is no reason you should not enjoy a healthy and normal dating life.
