If you have an elderly friend or relative, chances are good that you are already helping that person out in some way. Whether it is mowing the lawn or helping to remodel the bathroom for wheelchair accessibility, we are eager to do what we can to assist the elderly people in our lives.
If that person develops a phobia, however, our natural protective instincts can go into overdrive. It is easy to accidentally worsen the phobia by taking over and doing too much. Here are a few tips to help your loved one maintain independence while combating the phobia.
Here's How:
Gently Insist on Professional Treatment: Many elderly people attach a stigma to mental disorders. They may be reluctant to seek help and even become combative when the idea is presented.
Professional treatment is essential, however. A full assessment is necessary to ensure that the condition is actually a phobia and not another disorder. Once the diagnosis is made, only a professional will be able to develop a realistic treatment plan that offers the best chance for success.
Avoid Taking Over: Offer to escort your loved one in fear-inducing situations, but not offer to perform the task. For example, if your loved one fears shopping, it is helpful to take him or her to the store, but not to do the shopping yourself. Many people feel protective towards elderly loved ones, but doing too much can lead to an unhealthy codependency.
The Florence Nightingale effect, in which a romantic attraction develops between caregiver and patient, is a possibility. Another possibility is Munchausen by proxy, in which the caregiver actually keeps the patient sick to fulfill his own psychological needs.
Celebrate Small Successes: Battling a phobia can feel like a never-ending process for both the sufferer and the caregiver. However, what seem like baby steps to you are actually a huge effort for your loved one, especially in an elderly person who is uncomfortable admitting that he or she has a mental health disorder. Celebrate these small successes to encourage continued effort.
Maintain Boundaries: If you were your loved one’s main support person before the phobia developed, it is natural for him or her to cling to you while confronting the phobia. Over time, you may develop a new identity as caregiver, which can muddle your own psychological health. It is crucial that you develop and maintain healthy boundaries in order to avoid becoming codependent. For suggestions on setting and maintain boundaries, visit Setting Boundaries.
Make and Keep Dates: Your loved one will likely experience anticipatory anxiety, obsessively worrying about an upcoming encounter with the feared situation. He or she may call you frequently, seeking reassurance. This is especially common among some elderly adults, who may not have strong outside support systems.
Obsessive phone calls are not helpful, as they distract your loved one from his or her daily activities. Discourage these calls by setting appointments to call or visit in advance. As long as you are committed to honoring these dates, your loved one can learn to postpone worry until the next date.
Issue Challenges Rather Than Demands: Making demands on an elderly loved one can cause him or her to become defensive and resistant. Encourage your loved one to follow the treatment plan by tapping into his or her competitive spirit. Inspiring an elderly person to confront challenges is much more productive than attempting to force compliance.
Bring In Outside Help: A geriatric care manager or other professional can coordinate your loved one’s varying needs. The phobia is just one part of an elderly person’s unique situation, which may be complicated by illnesses or other needs.
Turning coordination of the entire situation over to an outside party can help defuse tension and make your time with your loved one more productive. It will also provide the best chance for your elderly loved one to maintain independence while successfully battling his or her phobia.
